The things I wish someone had told me about the menopause.

By Fiona Cameron.

I hated talking about the menopause. Reflecting on my experience, the menopause seemed the missing link within workplace training, policy, and culture. I felt it had to be kept a secret because no one else was talking about it either. Every woman experiences the menopause, but this is rarely acknowledged as part of a normal working or life journey. This doesn’t make sense.

Women represent 47% of the UK workforce. ‘Forth with Life’, reports 90% of women said their workplace doesn’t offer any support for the menopause and this seems the norm. Why is this?

Menopause is still a workplace taboo. So, this deeply personal experience, can be difficult and embarrassing to disclose in the workplace, where mid-life women can already feel invisible, isolated, and marginalised. So, here are six things I wish I had known:

Knowledge is power.

I went into the menopause ignorant, due to lack of knowledge. This was my error; I realise now my head was firmly stuck in the land of ovulation. I didn’t really want to know about all this weird menopause stuff, that was also linked to getting old!  ‘It’s natural’, they said. ‘It’s a positive life stage’, they said. ‘It’s normal’, I read.

Menopause starts 12 months after a woman's last period, the stage prior to that, is call the perimenopause. Okay, I thought, I started ovulation quietly, so surely, I could make this transition without too much fuss!

Wow, did I get that wrong? Symptoms of memory loss, fatigue, brain fog, loss of confidence, all part of my emerging menopause but I didn’t make the connection. Menopause is hot sweats and sleepless nights, right? (I also experienced these more widely advertised symptoms, lucky me!) If I had been aware of the potential range of symptoms, I would have understood what was happening, gotten support and devised a menopause life plan (yes, I do like plan!) I certainly would have felt more in control of my options, alternatives, and experiences. Instead I felt unstable, distressed, tired and quite frankly a little bit unhinged.

A good place to start for all things menopause is Dr Louise Newson

Menopause is not a ‘women’s issue’.

I didn’t realise how my experience of the menopause would reframe my day to day world. Yes, menopause happens to women directly, but it also filters into other areas of life. Your relationship with yourself, your partner, family, friends, and your working life, will be affected.

Talking about the menopause with others doesn’t make you a feminist, it means you are a woman. This topic shouldn’t be marginalised for women of a certain age and therefore not exist on a broader agenda. Maybe that is why there was no menopause policy at my workplace, it simply wasn’t visible as necessary or needed.

So, start conversations around the menopause, even when you’re not going through the menopause. Expanding education and awareness seems key, so women will benefit from better support and understanding in the future.

Arm yourself with this ACAS document and ask the question, “Do we have a menopause policy at work and if not, why not?”

Do not suffer in silence.

I was afraid of the changes that were happening and felt somehow ashamed that my normal capable self, couldn’t cope. Work was getting on top of me and I felt out of control. I was embarrassed about my overwhelming heat surges, during presentations, meetings, and social events. My hormone changes ignited my insecurities and I doubted everything, it was a lonely place. The more I tried, the more I stressed, the more I stressed, the worse my symptoms got. I fell silent.

My memory had gotten so bad that I thought I had early onset dementia and hid this from everyone. One GP visit later, I discovered that this was a symptom of my beautiful menopause. Perimenopause can start from 40 years onwards and menopause around 50 years, but this is an average. My advice: do not remain silent. If you feel that something isn’t right, follow your instincts, be curious about what is going on within your body and seek help. Not all GPs are knowledgeable on the menopause, (e.g. prescribing anti-depressants for menopause symptoms) so do your research. There are also clinics and organisations that specialise in all things menopause.

The NICE guidelines are a good starter for ten when preparing for medical conversations.

Invest in your health.

Your mental and physical wellbeing can be tested, so it is important to invest in a healthy lifestyle during menopause. The depletion of oestrogen, (also spelt estrogen) the major female sex hormone, part of the hormone trinity, along with progesterone and testosterone, can influence women’s long-term health.

I didn’t know where to get help, and I felt overwhelmed. I had only read scary headlines claiming HRT gives you breast cancer.  So I started to investigate the evidence and do my own research into these sensational misleading headlines. With that knowledge I invested in my future health. I used herbal replacement therapy for two years and finally made the decision to go on HRT tablets, as my memory was still affected.

I did a self-audit, adopting a 360-degree approach to my health improvements, which turned out to be a totally empowering experience. I was one of those women who did leave their current job, after over 20 years in my profession. I trained as a life-coach, became a yoga teacher, started lifting weights (good for bone density) and reviewed my nutrition.

I began to like talking about the menopause because it had become part of my identity. I ‘came out’ as a menopausal woman, blossomed into a hippy chic and loved it. As Jim Rohn said, “take care of your body: it’s the only place you have to live”.

I love Liz Earle’s podcast for tips on wellness

Be kind to yourself.

It’s a strange time, this menopause. It messes with your head, your body, and your emotions. So, be kind to yourself. I felt angry, lost and like an alien life force was resident in my body for a while. I was not kind to myself and tried to keep on keeping on.

This didn’t work. So, as the saying goes,“if life gives you lemons, make a gin and tonic”. The moment I accepted this different stage of life, things started to change. I asked questions. I listened to other women going through the same changes but in different ways and realised I wasn’t alone. I gained a freedom through knowledge and a relief that the majority of what I thought, felt, and experienced was mostly all hormone based.

Trying to stay positive when you feel challenged by symptoms can be difficult. I am not in a perfect place, still a little vexed that I was issued the ‘lemons’ in the first place. However, my advice is practise patience, kindness, self-care and help other women that feel the same way. Ultimately, we are in this menopause moment together.

For ideas and support access this App

There is life after menopause.

If this all sounds a bit scary, know that some women don’t experience any of the documented 34 most common symptoms and breeze through. For those women out there, that are experiencing a range of conditions right now, there are organisations to help, advise and support you through this transition.

Changes will happen because of the menopause, but you don’t need to experience this alone. Life is precious, women’s bodies are amazing, and the menopause can be a positive experience. I shed the years of monthly cycles (hurrah!) and started to own what this new self felt like now. I emerged the other side understanding more about what my body needed, found more purpose in my work, relationships, and life. I had re-evaluated what was important to me. It turns out, I am important, I am an older woman, I am happy to talk about the menopause.

A different recommended read is “Me and My Menopausal Vagina”, by Jane Lewis.

Menopause is a universal experience, but this is only my reflection. So share your experiences, start conversations, and listen to other women who travel through this stage in unique and different ways. Isn’t it time we celebrated, educated, and activated change to take ownership of this important life stage?

This is a call to action, to all women who want to ask questions around the menopause and be listened to, in the hope that our collective experiences will inform change for the future. 

Fiona Cameron is a career and life coach.