Life is in the transitions + Menopause resources
By Samantha Frankel.
It’s quite a hazy memory, but I recall my GP looking more than a little concerned and saying something along the lines of: ‘Can someone drive you to the hospital, otherwise we’ll need to call you an ambulance?’
It’s really not that long ago but I was quite light-headed, so the memory is hazy. I’d just lost a lot of blood in a short space of time and that can make you lightheaded…before you pass out that is. So off I went to hospital for a possible emergency blood transfusion and that was the start of my ‘perimenopause proper’ as I like to call it.
I learnt the hard way that this is something that can happen during perimenopause and is variously called hypermenorrhoea, menorrhagia or, delightfully, ‘flooding’. I hasten to add however that it is rare to end up in hospital. My body, I have come to realise, has a certain sense of occasion when it comes to its female functions. First period: on Mother’s Day (sweet). First baby: a splash of waters breaking to the dum, dum de de de dum of the EastEnders theme tune (funny). Peri-meni kick off: in A&E on a drip (Jesus!)
Before this, I’d barely given the menopause or its symptoms (just hot flushes, right?) a second thought. In my world at the time, I’m sorry to say, it was something that happened to withered grey old ladies which was way way off in my future.
So, it’s fair to say that in the run up to my flashing blue light moment, I was spectacularly clueless. Yet, looking back, I was absolutely experiencing the start of the perimenopause. I wasn’t sleeping well and had become increasingly anxious, which was both out-of-character and far from helpful in a demanding role with a no-room-to-breathe diary and multiple, daily, presentations. This coupled with a change of leadership that had created a truly toxic workplace culture – my performance anxiety was off the charts. At the same time, life was hurling all sorts of challenges my way. In the space of a year I lost my dad, my father-in-law, and all contact with my much-loved mum. It was devastating for the whole family and of course I was stressed. I had every reason to be losing sleep. Every reason to feel anxious.
Except with the benefit of hindsight the main reason I was feeling so unlike myself at that time, I promise you, was chemical. It was the gradual and growing effect of the reduction in hormones that had begun in my body that was dramatically affecting my ability to deal with the undeniably challenging moments in my life. That’s it. There’s no secret to it. No deeper meaning. Hormones. Or rather the lack of them.
After what we now affectionately term my Texas Chainsaw incident, my symptoms really stepped up a gear. Think PMT x 1000. All. The. Time. You can pretty much track the progress from my Headspace timeline and my logins to the Clementine app. My iPhone notes from that time are filled with reminders of people & place names and clippings of articles on sleep deprivation, anxiety management, self-care, spa days, retreats and tragically workplace bullying. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realise something might have been up. The physical symptoms I could easily deal with, the mental not so much. At times I seriously thought I had either Alzheimer’s (it’s in the family) or was bipolar. My memory failed me, my words failed me, I forgot good friends’ & family names, I even occasionally forgot the end of my sentences (mid pitch). It was embarrassing and distressing. I started to hide and for a short time literally went to ground, cancelling everything in a bid to buy myself time and space to deal with it all. My energy seemed to have disappeared. I seemed to have disappeared and I was genuinely worried I would never be the same again. This died-in-the-wool “coper” had to sit her husband down and explain that I really wasn’t myself and I didn’t know when I would be again. He looked worried. I cried. It was f*cking horrendous!
Stay with me…there is a happy ending to this, I promise…
Although I’m clearly one of the unlucky ones who statistically is destined to have a bit of a torrid time – bad PMS/adenomyosis/bloody forceful hormones all put me in that bracket - I am also one of the very lucky ones who had access to an expert who could give me a reliable and tailored HRT regime along with so much more helpful and holistic advice. This by the way, is worlds apart from my tearful visit to the GP who, with a bit of a wince, gave me a number for ‘talking therapy’ and ushered me out of the door. I didn’t ‘slap on a patch and feel twenty again’ as a close friend put it, but with a ton of research and a lot of being kind to me, I’ve developed a fairly robust toolkit for the rest of my ride. I can only write this now because I am not there anymore. In all honesty I think I’m fitter in mind and body than I’ve ever been in my life.
But finding safe, reliable help & support should not be down to luck, it should be a given. For so many, the perimenopause is a mind f*ck, at a time in a woman’s life that her mind is being pretty f*cked anyway. So many of us are part of the sandwich generation, potentially caring for both children and ageing parents at once and at a time of increasing job & life responsibility. It’s highly likely that the symptoms of perimenopause will coincide with all sorts of other life horrors and this is not going to change anytime soon. Which is why it is so important to drag the menopause and all that leads up to it, out of its anachronistic closet.
Hearing other women’s stories and how they coped is, above all, what helped me when I was really losing the plot. That’s why I’ve shared my personal story here. It’s hard to describe how validating it is to hear that what you’re feeling is normal. That you’re not actually losing your mind. That it’s natural and things will be ok. In fact, things will be more than ok.
The shame and stigma that continues to surround this topic is what keeps women quiet and prolongs debilitating symptoms unnecessarily. Thankfully, there is a strong and growing cohort of rowdy rave generation writers who’ve reached this stage and are making it public, making it normal. And since September the menopause has been added to the school curriculum in England too. Finally! It’s only something that affects 50% of the population for crying out loud.
But support at work is lagging sadly behind this progress. Not having a supportive policy for older working women is both discriminatory and short sighted and whilst there is undoubtedly a need to pause, reassess and realign at this time, with decent information, support and care, the journey does not need to be so difficult and the end result is unbelievably positive.
Samantha Frankel is a Business & Marketing consultant and a founder of Bloom’s MPower inclusion group.
Resources
For those people looking for support and information, here’s a selection of some of the great resources we’ve come across and our members have found helpful. Please note that this is simply a list for information purposes only!
Wellbeing, information & support
Lizearlewellbeing.com
Menopause Exchange
Mpowered Women
Positive Pause
OvertheBloodyMoon.com
NobodyToldMe.com
Megsmenopause.com
Daisynetwork.org
Expert medical advice
The British Menopause Society
The International Menopause Society
The Menopause Doctor
Dr. Nighat Arif
Dr. Stephanie Goodwin
NHS.UK – speaking to your GP first is always a good idea, but make sure you’re prepared for the conversation The NICE guidelines are a good starter when preparing for medical conversations
Fem tech
A new and growing area of apps to help with women's particular needs and/or can help with symptoms of the menopause.
Dr Louise Newson has launched an app but this great article here by Victoria Woodhall expertly reviews the various types of femtech that have recently launched: Have an ‘appy menopause
Headspace.com
Clementineapp.com
Nutritional information
It is always best to have a discussion with your GP or other medical expert before starting any course of medication - holistic or prescription. Here are a few sites with information on nutrition and supplements. Emma Bardwell
Mpowder.store
Symprove.com
Podcasts we love...
Liz Earle WellBeing
What Your Mother Never Told You About Health
Postcards from Midlife
Menopause Whilst Black
...and books
More than a Woman, Caitlin Moran
The New Hot, Meg Matthews
The Shift, Sam Baker
Me and My Menopausal Vagina, Jane Lewis
Older and Wider: Menopausal musings from the midlife, Jenny Eclair
Champions in the media
India Knight: Here's one change older women would welcome | Comment
Lorraine Candy: Editor’s letter: Lorraine Candy on why we need to talk about the menopause
Meg Matthews: Meg Mathews didn't leave her house for THREE MONTHS during menopause
Caitlin Moran: Caitlin Moran: me, drugs and the perimenopause | Magazine
Mariella Forstrup: BBC One - The Truth About..., The Menopause
Gaby Hinsliff: ‘A weird liberation’: why women are exposing the wild truth about midlife and menopause
Menopause and the workplace – organisations, articles, research reports
Unison
Menopause Statistics 2019 - Menopause in the Workplace
Menopause at work
Let's talk menopause
Institute of Work, Health & Organisations Women's Experience of Working through the Menopause
Menopause transition: effects on women’s economic participation
New Survey Reveals 90% of UK Workplaces Fail to Offer Menopause Support
Revealed: The struggles menopausal women deal with at their workplace every day
Marketing's menopause: It's time to disrupt ageing
@menopausewhilstblack
@karenarthur
@mindyourmenopause
@drshahzadiharper (the menopause doctor)
@themenopauseroom
Disclaimer: The menopause is a personal experience that affects each woman differently. The resources listed here represent recommendations not endorsements of any product or information site. Bloom UK cannot be held responsible for information obtained from any of the above.